There are times in your life when you just need to let some feelings out that can't go on paper and be hidden away from the world for the rest of time. A time when you try so hard to just put all of your anger and strife in a little box and tuck it away in the farthest corners of the world. I must say that this business of marriage equality is something I find tremendously troubling. I'll stop here for a second. Why? Because my stance on this issue is a lot more personal than one might imagine. You can ask me how I believe in God and how I can read the Bible and still make this choice, but all I can say is I just do. Times change and love is love and it's what I firmly believe.
A lot of people I have known for a long time do not completely understand my mind set and I will gladly tell you that it took me a long time to get here. I stand up for me and my fellow friends and I say to you, why care what goes on behind someone else's door when it will go on whether you like it or not? As a Jesus follower, I agree that we should do our best to spread His word and help people's eyes open to the unforseen opportunities that God gives us. However, I disagree that giving equal rights to those whom deserve it is wrong or against what God wants. We don't know, really. We do not have a way of knowing for absolute sure that God disagrees and that is where I stop. My life will not be defined by the words spoken of my fellow men or the words spoken by people who call themselves Christians and turn around just to shove Biblical references in peoples' faces. (Because, trust me, that does not make people feel good in any way. It makes them angry, frustrated, and defensive.)
So, you say, then what do we do? I may believe in equal rights for all of mankind. I may believe that homosexuality isn't wrong and that is my choice. You may believe that it's a sin and should be fought as hard as possible, but we should both do the same thing. Love them. Love those around us regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, beliefs, and views on this particular matter. Stop fighting and just love. God does not ask us to make signs and fight for something so hard. God asks us to love. Love the girls who are hiding behind close doors, terrified of their lives because they don't feel like themselves. Love the men who block out the noise in their heads by hurting themselves because it's just too hard. You don't have to agree, you can even say you don't, but you don't need to push so hard. Neither side does. Because this... This whole fight for marriage equality is based on the one thing God tells us is most important.
Love.
I have crawled into a hole for so long. I have hidden who I am and felt the need to lie to myself and others about my feelings, my fears, and my needs all at once and it has destroyed me in the past. It has pushed me into a dark place before and I have to tell you that I am more than happy with myself now. I am free, I feel amazing about myself and I really couldn't give a care about what other people think. I love who I love and I don't have to defend that, no matter what other people think. I nod my head nicely and stroll away on firm, solid ground because I am a believer and I am me. God made me this way and I can't thank Him enough.
xoxo, Madison
P.S. This whole losing weight thing? Totally not easy. I've gotten down, but not to anywhere near where I want to be. I've gotta kick my butt back into shape.
